Last nite was bit strange…couldn’t fall asleep despite my dizziness & usual easyly fallen asleep once i hit my pillow.
So i woke up and spent some times with the Lord… At first, i asked Him things that troubled me about a book i was reading. I don’t know how…later it became a question about “how can good God allow evil / sufferings?”
I guess it was triggered by a very moving poems i read during the day. A very beautiful poem, and I cried few times just to finish reading it. It tells the heart of mother of a Down syndrome daughter. I could feel the pain, sorrow, and sufferings in it…and I guess, it made me ask the question….why the Lord allow that things to happen? In the first place, didn’t he the one who give the child? (Every child is a gift of God). And every gift of God is good. Or can we say that confidently?
Then I remembered good friends of ours who had miscarriaged before. I felt so helpless, and I can’t answer…Doesn’t everyone says (and I believe so), the baby is gift from God? Why did God take away and cause pain? Did God give and then take? Wouldn’t it better if He didn’t give in first place if take it away cause so much pain?
Spurgeon said God never takes away our golds. He takes our silvers and replace them with golds. Last time I agree with him, but last nite…I will ask him….if the baby is God’s gift…did God give silver in first place so that he can replace it with gold later? Dont we believe that God’s give the best? Can’t God give gold from the beginning and there’s no need for exchange in future?
I was seriously in troubled…in the past I could reconcile with many reasonings. But last nite, there seem strong eagerness to just settle over trivial answers. I ask if possible…I would like to understand better. Who is this God I know? Is it possible for my mind to understand Him better? As far as the mind HE created able to comprehend……..
If it’s said because of our sins…….then it’s like punishment explanation. Well received by many since everyone is sinners and have committed sins. And no doubt the most holy person also a sinner before God. But that doesn’t describe the God that i believe in. That will make our live in constant fear….what if God suddenly bring my sins to my face, and he strike my wife, my son, my mother…….the list continues. There’s no peace to live in the presence of such God who brings all our sins to our face, and still say He forgives our sins……………I don’t think God I know is like that either……
I don’t know if this explanation can answer that question. But with this…I said I could accept it.
Every child is a gift of God. Every gift of God is out of His love, and always the best for us. Hence, we should rejoice over every pregnancies. We shouldn’t be fearful of the “What ifs…..”. What if suddenly God is angry and strike the unborn baby? What if this child is not intended by God? What if God is not sincere with his gift? What if God give to test our faith by take it back and see how we cope with it?……………
The only possible case when Satan challenge God about us…..(the case of Job & Peter). And to that, Jesus rightly point…for us to pray “deliver us from the evil.” And to this I can bravely say, it’s not that God so weak that He allows evil to reign. He has all the power to stop evil, or even our mistakes (sometimes our human mistakes)…….But i learn that God is able not only bring the best out of evil. He could bring the best out of the best also.
What i meant and believe is this. With a lost pregnancy because of human mistakes / evil strike…….it didn’t deny original God’s best gift. But through the situation, God could use it to bring another best outcome. I could fully affirm that after I look back over my life…12 years ago.
Hence, I see that we’re always in the merciful & loving hands of God. God is love, and I am secure in His love. Nothing could happen by external forces which throw me out of His hands of love. Indeed the way His dealings is to show His sovereignty and respect.
Remember the parable of a master who sow good seed? At night he slept, and his enemy came to sow bad seed. In the morning, all his people were surprised where the bad seed came from? He was not puzzled, for he knew that it was the enemy who sowed the bad seed? Could he prevent it to happen if he knew beforehand? Why didn’t he protect it from happen? Why didn’t he do something? Why did he allow it? And why he waited till the end times to separate the good from the bad?
This is a picture of God who’s ultimately sovereign and yet gives so much freedom both for enemy and us. He let us live as if we’re independent from him, and can do anything we like, and also bear with all the consequences that brings. He let it…..he didn’t prevent or interfere with our freedom. Yet in His sovereignty…..when we fall, he never let us fall out of His loving hands. Confusing? I found my peace there. Probably this far my mind can comprehend.